Have You Ever Cried Because of How Badly You Had to Pee?

April 28, 2016

Let me tell you something about myself.
I am by no means a wilderness woman. Don't get me wrong, I love to be outside. Of course, this is minus the bugs and the fact that no matter how much sunscreen I put on, I always get burnt (and I'm not even a redhead). Also I'm super out of shape and Utah has awful air quality so hiking is mostly out of the question.
Except that one time.
That one time when I thought it would be a good idea for me to climb Mount Timpanogos, a mountain that is 11,752 feet tall and a hike that ended up taking 10 hours total, give or take. Honestly, it wasn't that bad of a hike. We started around midnight and we got to the top just in time for the sunrise, which was beautiful. Before the sun rose, after 5 hours of walking and drinking a lot of water (which I do normally but especially while exercising), I really had to go to the bathroom. I was going to pee my pants so my roommate should me how to do an awkward squat pee as a female and kept a lookout for me while I did the deed.
I bet you thought that was the end of the story...
Well, after watching the sunrise and such, we obviously decided to head back down. It was now daylight, so it was very different being able to see the path ahead of us and let me tell ya, there were a LOT of people. I think it may have been the weekend before school started again after the summer so everyone and their dog was their (this is an exaggeration because I distinctly remember seeing no dogs, which is a shame).
Ya girl had to pee. Again.
Okay, calm down, it's not like it was immediate. It had probably been a couple of hours, but if we remember, this was a five hour hike back down, and now it was VERY bright outside and there were VERY much people everywhere around me. One of the guys that we were with easily slipped of the trail and did his thing to pee, but I literally had NO opportunity. Seriously. It was my worst nightmare.
Since we had hiked up in the dark, it was a lot harder to recognize where exactly we were and how much farther we had to go. My roommate kept telling me "oh, I think it's the next curve" and "oh, we are almost there, I'm sure of it!" Yeah, okay. Not. To be fair, I think that she honestly believed that we were almost to the end of the trail, but this must've gone on for three hours. I was tired, grumpy, and hungry (hangry) and my bladder was going to burst.
I am not kidding you when I say, after many curves and many miles, when I saw the beginning (or in our case, the end) of the trail, I burst into tears. I knew there was a bathroom waiting for me, and I tried to start jogging but I had to stop in fear of the movement making me pee my pants when I was so close. I was literally sobbing I had to pee so badly.
This did not stop us from posing by the sign for some reason???????? Bladder of steel at that point, I guess. Anyways (by the way, this was a double date, which I think makes this whole experience 9x worse).

There's no moral to this story, I mostly just want you to know it because like a month ago my boss was like "one time I cried I had to go to the bathroom so badly" and I was like "same" and turns out she was like 4 and I was like 18. Also God, I just wanna tell you that it wasn't really fair for you to make it easy for boys to pee outside. But que sera sera.
Yours truly,

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