What I’ve Learned from Tinder

January 22, 2017

  • I hate boys with earrings. I don’t think this has anything to do with being Mormon, I just think that only black guys can pull off earrings and nobody else should even bother trying.
  • All boys in Utah love the outdoors. I, on the other hand, only like the outdoors (mostly because I hate exercising).
  • Boys 1000% take the worst pictures of themselves, unless they're trying to show off their abs, and then suddenly they're Ansel Adams. I would also gladly date a skinny guy over a buff guy any day.
  • I am worth adding on Snapchat, but once I don’t live up to my Tinder pictures, I’m worth ignoring and eventually deleting – never to be spoken to again. It’s okay, I’m not offended. I probably wouldn’t have met you because I’m too scared that you’d murder me anyways.
  • I like Bumble better than Tinder because the boys are cuter, but I’m lazy and I want boys to message me first (which never happens, really) so Tinder is actually better.
  • I will swipe right on everyone I know in real life – unless you are my ex-boyfriend.
  • I’m convinced that Melissa and Matt are the only two good people who have ever existed on Tinder and that’s why dating apps will never work for me.
  • As much as I hate to admit it, if you have a dog and you’re not completely hideous, I will automatically swipe right on you.
  • I think that people just google what to put in their Tinder bios because there are five distinct things I can think of that I see over and over again. Good thing I'm creative and HILARIOUS.
  • I'm not as funny as I think I am. But I still think I'm funny so that's all that matters.
  • Apparently, if I match with a boy who is also named McKay, I'm supposed to say something about our mutual names in my opening line. I learned this when a guy got offended that I did not, and when I tried to redeem myself, he told me that it was too late. Okay, whatever, McKay.
  • Every man is my soulmate, they just don't know it yet. And probably will never know it because they won't swipe right on me.
  • I live in fear of my mom finding out I'm on Tinder, so nobody let her know about this blogpost. This is not fear of embarrassment, it's fear of her fear. Mom, if you are reading this: I promise I won't get murdered.
  • Tinder makes me feel all cool and sophisticated à la Mindy Lahiri, until boys start ignoring me and I realize that I am definitely not a man's lady. I'm still cute though.
  • It's fascinating seeing how many beautiful men there are in the world. Also, a lot of guys would be hot but they just do their hair wrong.
  • I will forever and always love myself no matter how many times I get rejected on Tinder. If I'm being completely honest, I mostly just wanted you to tell me I'm pretty and buy me pizza anyways.
Yours truly,

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  1. Honestly, same with earrings on dudes. I love dogs on tinder (i even have a tumblr where I post pics of guys with dogs from tinder) and i hate the outdoors. aren't you friends with your mom on facebook?

    1. We are soul sisters 🙌 I am, but she doesn't like my blog Facebook page, so as long as she doesn't stalk it she won't see this haha.