Things I Wish to Convey to My (Nonexistent) Potential Male Suitors

February 01, 2017

  • I get scared by Scooby Doo
  • Dating me means agreeing to be my "Instagram Husband"
  • Literally I will never love you more than Fonzie (my cat, but this also probably applies to Henry Winkler's character in Happy Days)
  • Take me to Disneyland, or else
  • Please wear socks always because feet are gross
  • I am honestly always tired. Not exaggerating. Let's just nap at home. Always always always
  • Buy me French fries
  • I'm only interested in going on dates, not hanging out
  • I am going to post pictures of us on social media, and you better put me in your profile picture too
  • You are allowed to buy me tickets to see Taylor Swift live, just make sure you don't come with me or I will leave you because I am so in love with her
  • Speaking of Taylor Swift, "I get drunk on jealousy," so don't tell me about your exes, even if I ask
  • I know I'm cute (self-love club), but you better still remind me a lot
  • My love language is food
  • I literally made an Instagram for my cat and his favorite movie is Ratatouille
  • If we go out, just automatically assume that I want Cafe Rio
  • I'm probably not gonna wear makeup for you, so don't get your hopes up
  • I want to be fun and cute but mostly I'm sad and sleepy
  • I am guaranteed to spill food on my clothes daily
  • I want you to play with my hair but also my hair gets too tangled to play with????
Aren't you just dying to date me now?
Yours truly,

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