Truly, Perfectly Happy

June 23, 2017

People can be mean, and selfish, and hurtful. They can betray you and break you.
Right now I'm just trying to remember the nice boys in high school that asked me if I was okay when I was crying in my truck. And I'm thinking of the girl who mailed me chocolate from across the world. The way my best friend squeezes me after years apart. My mom's tears every time we say goodbye at the airport. All the support we got after Julian died. The happiness I feel when I come home to my dogs. How amazing it is that people can fall in love. The great sales at Old Navy. When Taylor Swift comes on the radio. Getting Swig with your friends. Driving with the windows down. Feeling alive.
Life is hard. It's so so hard and I sometimes doubt that I'll ever get to be happy. And sometimes every day feels like things are getting worse and worse. But I'm trying so hard to be hopeful. It has to be like this for a reason. I want to fall in love with a good man. I want to be a mom. I want to see my sister again. I want my parents to be happy.
I'm trying. And for now, I'll try to just remember the good things. I'll remember how I can't stop laughing every second I spend with Ali. I'll remember how Alex will always have my back. I'll remember how Melissa drives to me when I'm heartbroken and how Khadeeja gives her support from afar. I'll remember all the good people in the world — the people I am beyond lucky to know — and hopefully I can forget the bad.
And I'll hope that someday I get to be truly, perfectly happy.

Yours truly,

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  1. You deserve to be truly, perfectly happy. You are a beautiful person. I am praying for you. :(