The Most Unwanted Guest

August 07, 2018

Depression knocked on our front door last night.
I didn't answer, but he invited himself in anyway.
This morning when I woke, Depression was there. He held me down in bed and pleaded, "just stay." It was a pretty compelling argument - it's not hard to convince me to sleep.

I'm getting to the point where I can no longer remember what my life was like before Depression became my unwanted guest.
He's there when I look in the mirror. He whispers to me, "You keep gaining weight."
He's there when I sit down at work. He says, "You've done nothing with your career."
He's with me even at church, which should be my respite. He tells me, "You don't belong here."
He's there when I'm alone, reminding me, "You're alone for a reason."

Depression, I want you to meet your new match:

It's ya girl, McKay STRONG.

McKay will still gladly nap, but she's going to put up a fight.
She's going to get out of bed each morning and feed Fonzie. She's going to brush her teeth and maybe, just maybe put on mascara (no promises though).
She's going to post as many selfies as she wants, because it makes her feel good and she needs all of the good that she can get.
She's going to write out her feelings and admit that she can't always be an optimist. She is going to create more art and use the mental health resources available to her.
McKay is going to drink more water. She's going to try and find a way to make salad herself that actually tastes good.
She is going to take classes that she always wanted to take. She is going to cry when she needs to and enjoy nature more and maybe-try-to-think-about working out.
McKay is going to appreciate the people in her life. She is going to LOVE more, and, most importantly, McKay is going to give you a run for your money.

Depression, you may be a permanent guest in my life, but that doesn't mean I have to welcome you in.

You have made the hardest trials even more unbearable (which I thought was impossible), and you have let the doubts creep into the happiest of days.
I can only do so much to fight you, but I'm not about to give up. I am stronger than you and I am not going anywhere.

Yours truly,

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