What I've Learned Since Becoming the "Fat" Friend

December 17, 2018

I'm used to being the skinny girl. I was always undoubtedly the smallest in my family, and usually the smallest amongst my friends as well. I haven't actually been the skinny girl in many, many years now, but sometimes I forget that. I don't have that attractive of a face, and now that I'm overweight, I don't even have a ~hot bod~ going for me. Sorry, Jamison, that you never knew me when I was really cute.
But in the past year or so, I have left the tubby-belly club and joined the obese-according-to-my-BMI club. I've learned a lot about self-esteem, body image, societal pressures, and food as I've transitioned to official "fat" girl, and I'm here to share with you what I've come to know along this journey.

Clothes are expensive (especially plus-size ones).
Don't get fat - at least not to the point where you have to buy new pants - because clothes are expensive. And I don't really have extra money laying around. This makes dressing for work a bit of a challenge. But t-shirt dresses will always be my friend.

Provo, Utah exists partially to make young women feel bad about themselves.
Someone is prettier than you, skinnier than you, and going on more dates than you. Here, I am the fat friend. Anywhere else in the world, I'm just average. Also apparently people can walk by you and say things like "hola gordita," and I don't care if it's supposed to be a term of endearment, you'll probably send me to my room crying when I get home later.

Being married doesn't automatically fix your self-esteem issues.
Just because I'm in love, we are newlyweds, and I get to force him to be my bff DOES NOT MEAN that my depression has magically gone away. My marriage is GOOD, but other parts of my life trigger my anxiety or depression. I am happiest at home, watching a movie, cuddling with Fonzie and Jamison with a Dr. Pepper in hand, but I don't always get to be doing that.

It's impossible to online shop.
And I love online shopping! First off, very few websites use plus-size models. Second off, sizing is so inaccurate and I never actually know if a size on one brand is anywhere near the same as in another. Apparently, I have really weird proportions.

Working out will never be fun.
And the longer you go without it, the harder it gets to start again.

All bras are uncomfortable.

I love myself more than I ever did when I was skinny.
The irony is that I hated myself/my body more then than I ever could now is not lost on me. I still may be unhappy with how I look, but my self-esteem is so much better than it used to be. Thank goodness!

Fat isn't a bad word.

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